Social Advice

She’s Out Of My League?

by admin on March 2, 2010

Tonight I was invited to go to a pre-screening of the movie “She’s Out of My League.” If you haven’t seen the trailer, check it out here. Basically the premise of the movie(best I can tell so far) is that this guy is a complete yahoo, and the girl’s desirability is so high, there is no reason on Earth she should even be around the guy in the story. The guy is a beta male, doesn’t dress well, and has a crap job. She, on the other hand, is a high powered, bit of hotness.

The unfortunate thing, is that way too many guys go though life, in such a state. Yes it’s a comedy, with a bit of romance to it, but far too often it describes real life. Way too many guys go though life, accepting what comes easy, and desiring more, but never really making the changes so they can get what they really want. It’s clear that the guy in the movie, has been getting what he expects to get up to that point, then he has a shot, and starts to work hard to keep this amazing girl. In real life, it’s doubtful he would have been able to get her or keep her, with the way he presents himself, and convey who he is.

Here are a few tips, so no matter who she is, she will NEVER be out of your league

1. Believe you deserve the best life has to offer.
A truly confident person, with few to no deservedness issues, truly believes they deserve the best life has to offer. They set their sights high, and are willing to pay the price to get those things. They know they have earned, and deserve those great things that come their way.

2. Know where you are headed and be working towards it.
The guy in the movie, seems to be headed nowhere, and it shows. He gets off his bum, and get motivated when he meets this girl. In reality, it’s not where you are so much as where you are headed. Girls love a great story line. Even if your job right now isin’t that great, if you run a business on the side, and are working towards your dream, that’s exceptionally attractive.

3. Be in good shape and well groomed.
The guy in the movie, is a schlub. Dresses badly, hasn’t seen a gym in……..maybe ever. Now, you don’t have to be a cross between Mr. Olympia, and Ryan Seacrest, but that doesn’t mean fitness and being well groomed wont help. A little goes a long way in this area, and it’s a great way to leverage your efforts. Get in the gym, hit the weights, and invest in a wardrobe upgrade.

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To Confidence and Beyond!

by admin on February 25, 2010

Ladies, ever wonder how Oprah, J.K. Rowling, Rachel Ray, or The First Lady Michelle Obama, can be such confident role models for women? Guys, have you ever wondered how guys like Carey Grant, Steve McQueen, Sean Connery, and George Clooney come off as so self assured, suave, and confident? It’s NOT just ’cause they are famous, and wealthy! If you read through their stories, nearly all of them went through very tough times, and have come out the other side of that dark tunnel. Here are a few tips to help you be a bit more like them, regardless of your current circumstances.

1. Associate with confident people.
“If you put 1 crab in a bucket, you need to put a lid on it, because it will climb out. If you put in 2 crabs, you can forget the lid, because if 1 tries to climb out, the other will pull it back in.”

Do you associate with people that want to rein you in, or pull you back into the bucket of grime? If so, the odds of them rubbing off on your mentality are very, very good. Ditch them, or put them on notice. I’m serious. You can say “I appreciate you as a friend, and your negative attitude tend to rub off on me. I want to continue hanging out with you, and the constant negativity will have to stop for me to do so.” This may seem a bit harsh at first, but it will bring these habits to their attention, and cause you both to evaluate where things stand. Most people will correct their behavior, as many don’t know how it effects others. If they don’t cut it out, and you stop returning their calls, they know exactly why.

Research has proven many times over, that those closest to you determine if you will reach your potential. Dr. John Maxwell calls this “The Law of the inner Circle.” Associate with those who bring you up, and believe in themselves, and you.

2. Use positive affirmations.
Thoughts are things. We become what we think about. If you constantly, hear or say to yourself “You cant do it. You’re not qualified. What’s the use?, then those things are likely to come to pass. Instead say to yourself “I lose nothing by trying, why not do it? I am enough. This is a great challenge, it will require the best of me.”

For more on this topic, click for The Power of Positive Affirmations

3. Use Visualization.
Often in life, we get what we expect. The mind is an exceptionally powerful tool. In children under the age of 5, they can not distinguish fantasy from reality. If they see it on TV, it’s as if it has indeed happened. Adults are not very far removed from this state. Visualizing a great outcome of an upcoming event, prepares the mind in a confident way. It tricks the mind, into think that outcome has become reality. This allows you to walk tall in situations that would normally make you nervous, or timid.

4. Check your physiology.
If your head bowed, staring at your feet? Is your posture all slumped over? Many studies have shown the effect of physiology on attitude, and confidence. If you find yourself feeling weak, and not up to it, try standing or sitting up straight, and adjusting your gaze. You will find you feel better, and more powerful in short order.

5. Banish Negative thoughts and self talk.
Negativity has an insidious creep to it, that can turn any of us into a Debbie Downer on any given day.
The best way to banish such basura, is to have a system whereby you take immediate action, to change the negativity into a positive thought. I personally like wearing a rubber band, or one of those LiveStrong wristbands, and snapping my wrist when I have such thoughts, or words. Ya, it stings a bit, but it gets the point across. In fact, it makes for a great 30 day experiment. Try it, you can thank me later :)

6. Be able to laugh at yourself.
The truly secure and confident don’t take themselves too seriously, and can laugh off the mistake, and gaffes they will make. Making mistakes will happen. It’s unavoidable. How you deal with it, is the test.
Being able, to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, have a laugh, and keep going is key. So, when you stumble, take a bow, rather than turning red, and being ashamed. This will actually draw people closer to you, and make you more relateable.

7. Use small wins to built momentum.
A few small wins, can precede bigger wins. Momentum is key in life. Momentum can be sensed by others, and makes things in general easier. Remember when the Red Sox FINALLY took out the Yankees in 2004? Was there any doubt they would steamroll the Cardinals after that? None. The Cards got swept, and rightfully so. Simply put, the Red Sox had immense momentum.

8. Know who you are and where you are going.
A person with a secure sense of self, and direction is not easily swept aside, and is a force to be reckoned with. The best people to follow and model know what their overall purpose is, and overlook momentary setbacks. Know your strengths and weaknesses well, as well as, your overall purpose, allows you an uncanny stability that others will envy.

What are your personal steps to developing confidence?

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Nightlife Leadership

by admin on February 9, 2010

Your personal level of leadership affects everything you do in life. Your job, your friends, your ability to get things done. It has been said that “everything rises and falls on leadership,” including nations, and institutions. I have found this to be true. Here a few ideas on how improving your personal leadership level can positively influence your nightlife experience.

Put simply: what IS leadership? There are a ton of definitons of the term, including “getting people to do something you want them to do, and getting them it like it.” John Maxwell defines it as “Influence” plain and simple. I personally couldn’t agree more. Your ability to influence those you come in contact around you, makes things a lot easier, and can help with putting together birthday parties, charity events, and even getting that certain someone on a second date.

There are 5 levels of leadership according to leadership guru John Maxwell. These levels are:
1.Position. (govt and corps start here)
2.Permission (social influence starts here)
3.Production
4.People Development
5.Personhood

For most nightlife related activities, levels 1-3 apply. Level 1 comes into play where your the “official” chair, or head of some charity or organization. At level 1, people follow you basically because they have to, and will not follow you beyond what official authority you have been given. This is the “because I say so” level.

Level 2, is where you lead others with their permission. People follow you because they want to. This is much easier than level one. Most of all the nightlife leadership related activities fall under this status. This is where you can put together meet ups, invite people to a venue, and plan events, that people you know or invite will actually attend. These people know you, and choose to attend because you personally invited them, or several of their friends. This is the “I’m going because I want to, and the planner is a friend” level.

Level 3 comes into play when word of your events of parties has spread to people who have not personally met you, but have heard of what you have done. They know you put together, or have a finger on the pulse of what’s going on, and invite people into an awesome time.

Qualities of leaders and nightlife takeaway

1. Leaders go first.
Leaders are always trying new things, and new places. They are the true early adopters. They always seem to know of that cool new place, or hotspot before everyone else. In fact, they often have already visited, and know many of the staff and promoters before you’ve even heard of it. So, don’t be afraid to try a new spot that’s just opened and trying to build a following, or a quirky out of the way bar. Letting all your social circle know about “this cool place I just found, that you just have to join me at next week,” is a great spot to be in.

2. Leaders are focused.
Leaders focus their efforts. This goes in a bit of the “try a ton of places, and see what works” advice in the above point. Leaders follow the Pareto principle that states that 80% of all results come from 20% of activities. So, find the venues, and events to provide the most punch, and fun for most events and stick with them. There’s a need to do new things, and no need to reinvent the wheel. A friend of mine throws a HUGE Mardi Gras party at her house every year. There’s always stories, and a great time from each party. She doesn’t try to completely reinvent the party every year. It’s well attended because everyone knows it will be a great time, great food, and a big group of fun people. Dloing something similar in your social circle will be a great move.

3. Leaders are change agents.
By being early adopters, leaders go first. This stance is not easy..as many resist change. The refrain of “why should we do X when Y works already?” is one any leader is familiar with. The requires dedication, on the part of any leader. The leaders best bet, to allow for change, it do draw people to themselves. People buy in to a leader, before they buy into the vision. If people know you, and associate you with knowing where to go and what to do, and you actually are their friend, they will buy into new ideas much easier. This personal touch can not be substituted.

Leave a comment. What are your tips for leadership?

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